1 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,119 Good evening. 2 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,199 Happy Easter. 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:25,079 In the strongest possible terms, hello. 4 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,839 Now, I know some of you were disappointed by my speech 5 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:33,839 on Wednesday, while others of you did not watch it. 6 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,879 For those who missed it, here's a summary. 7 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,679 You didn't miss much. 8 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:43,759 And honestly, I'm kicking meself. 9 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,359 I let you down. 10 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,439 But everyone deserves a second chance. 11 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:54,399 Peter Mandelson's had four or five, with many more to come. 12 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,999 So allow me to try again. 13 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,479 The conflict in the Middle East has entered its second month. 14 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,239 But I can assure you, we are working at pace 15 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,479 towards a de-escalation. 16 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:15,119 And the pace we are working at is leisurely. 17 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,799 I know that, due to this war, Britons are already 18 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,759 struggling, not only in England but also in the top bit and 19 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,039 the side bits as well. 20 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:30,319 Life is getting harder. 21 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:34,439 And furthermore, goodbye. 22 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,240 Wait, wait, wait. 23 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,279 I'm told there's a second page to my speech. 24 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:54,799 Oh, that's right, the inspiring part. 25 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:59,759 Look, I know I'm not inspiring. 26 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,199 When I applied to join the Samaritans, 27 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,119 I brought the vibe down so much that the interviewer 28 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,879 called the Samaritans. 29 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,079 So I've asked some Britons that people actually like to help 30 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,599 me put a pep in your step. 31 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,959 First up, England legend Harry Kane. 32 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:30,719 Yeah, cheers. 33 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,879 Nice one, gaffer. 34 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,399 Harry, why don't you give the nation one 35 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,919 of your rousing team talks? 36 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,439 Yeah. 37 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:45,079 Obviously, the Strait of Hormuz is a really amazing, uh, 38 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,679 waterway, always said that. 39 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,119 But yeah, you know, end of the day, you know, 40 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:57,319 Iran, solid attack, you know, solid in defense. 41 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,999 Uh, yeah, good at set pieces too. 42 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,319 So, yeah, you've just got to take it one war at a time and-- 43 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,039 yeah, yeah, it's going to be nice. 44 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,799 Thank you, Harry. 45 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,479 Next up, a Briton with a smile that 46 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,279 could light up a room, which could be useful 47 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,599 when the power runs out. 48 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:28,079 Film and TV star, Olivia Colman. 49 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,519 Hello. 50 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,399 Gosh, this is a bit sexy, isn't it, flirting with Iran 51 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,639 and playing with oil? 52 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,559 Next thing you know, there's an energy 53 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:43,959 shortage, where the power is off 54 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,439 and we're snogging in the dark. 55 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,079 Shh, shh. 56 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:50,359 Oh, aren't I naughty? 57 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,199 Thanks, Olivia, love the enthusiasm. 58 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,679 Our final speaker combines two of my greatest 59 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:02,879 interests, outstanding British television and pork. 60 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,639 It's Peppa Pig. 61 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,239 Cheer us up, Peppa. 62 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:16,319 Thank you, Daddy Keir. 63 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,039 Life is hell, but it doesn't last long. 64 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,799 And soon the sadness will end. 65 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,759 Thanks, Peppa. 66 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,159 You're very different from how you seem on the telly. 67 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,680 And you're very similar. 68 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,559 Well, there you have it. 69 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,759 Big thanks to Britain's big three-- 70 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:42,520 Harry Kane, MBE, Olivia Colman, CBE, and Peppa Pig, PIGP. 71 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,359 Oh, no. 72 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,999 Here come the power cuts. 73 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,599 Fend for yourselves, everyone. 74 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,679 Olivia Colman's trying to kiss me. 75 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,239 And live from London, it's Saturday night! 76 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:08,680 It's "Saturday Night Live," with Hammed Animashaun. 77 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,200 Ayoade Bamgboye. 78 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,400 Larry Dean. 79 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,640 Celeste Dring. 80 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,760 George Fouracres. 81 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,760 Ania Magliano. 82 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,240 Annabel Marlow. 83 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:55,600 Al Nash. 84 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,680 Jack Shep. 85 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,160 Emma Sidi. 86 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,560 Paddy Young. 87 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,320 Musical guest, Kasabian. 88 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,039 ú And your host, Riz Ahmed. 89 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,839 Ladies and gentlemen, Riz Ahmed! 90 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,759 Yes, yes, yes. 91 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:58,759 Thank you. 92 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,119 Thank you so much. 93 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,559 Wow. 94 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,359 Hello. 95 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,919 My name is Riz Ahmed. 96 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,039 And it is an absolute honor to be hosting "SNL UK." 97 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,039 Now, I'm an actor. 98 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,039 I'm a writer. 99 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,239 I'm a producer. 100 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,919 And I'm a rapper. 101 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,079 So for those of you who don't know who I am, clearly, neither 102 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:27,759 do I. I'm working it out. 103 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,559 Mostly, I'm an actor, you know. 104 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,799 And contrary to popular belief, I don't 105 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,239 just play intense roles, OK? 106 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,799 I also do some, like, family feel good stuff. 107 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,839 Like, for example, do you guys-- do you guys 108 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,599 know the "Sound of Music"? 109 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,679 "Sound of Music," right? 110 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,399 Everyone loves "Sound of Music." 111 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,279 I did a film just like that called "Sound of Metal." 112 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,799 It's almost exactly the same. 113 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,479 It's about a musician who's slowly going deaf, 114 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,199 and he's a heroin addict who lives in a van, 115 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,559 just like "Sound of Music." 116 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,199 And it's feel good because you're not him. 117 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,479 But seriously, I've done some comedies as well. 118 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,919 Some of you might have seen a film I did called "Four Lions." 119 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,559 That's what I'm saying. 120 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,799 It's a feel good movie about characters 121 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,879 you can really root for. 122 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,239 Christmas movie. 123 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,159 But I actually have just created 124 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,839 and released my own comedy. 125 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:21,999 It's called "Bait." 126 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,159 It's just come out. 127 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,159 Thank you. 128 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,320 Thank you, man. 129 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,519 Yeah, it's about an out of work actor 130 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,519 auditioning to be James Bond. 131 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,279 And the character is going through an identity crisis. 132 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,919 And if you're wondering why I made 133 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,519 a comedy about someone having an identity crisis, 134 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,519 look at me, man. 135 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,279 I'm confused. 136 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,479 It's not my fault. I grew up in Wembley, 137 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,399 but I went to Oxford University. 138 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,679 And that's why I sound like this. 139 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:56,679 Like a mix between Stormzy and Rishi Sunak. 140 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,679 We've actually got a track together on my next album. 141 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,119 It's called "Oy, Rudeboy, Shut Up, 142 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,919 this is the Quiet Carriage." 143 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,079 It's a banger. 144 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,879 But I actually feel that even this show is having 145 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,759 an identity crisis in a way. 146 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,999 We're three episodes in and your hosts have 147 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,159 been American, Irish, and me. 148 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,039 Don't worry, next week, you know, 149 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,599 we're going to have one of the nation's 150 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,759 most prominent Asian comedians, Jack Whitehall. 151 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,439 You heard of him? 152 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,119 You've seen how much he goes on holiday with his parents, man. 153 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,959 That's so Asian. 154 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,479 That's so Asian! 155 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,399 Don't worry, Jack, your secret is safe with me. 156 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,439 Assalamu alaikum, brother. 157 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,519 But sometimes I feel like the whole nation's 158 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,519 having this identity crisis and that's why we're so 159 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,839 divided, right? 160 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,559 We're divided over politics, over the climate, 161 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,599 over the Beckhams. 162 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,559 But I think that I know how to solve it. 163 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,439 I think I can solve Britain's identity 164 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,279 crisis because I think there's one thing that unites us all. 165 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:59,279 In essence, what makes us British is we like it when 166 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,280 things are a little bit crap. 167 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:07,119 Not totally crap, but just a little bit crap, you know. 168 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,239 We like that. 169 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,519 We like it. 170 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,719 We like giving-- 171 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,159 Thank you, yes. 172 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,519 We-- we like giving crap compliments, you know. 173 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,759 Someone says, he's a bit of a character. 174 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,359 That means you're a knob, you know. 175 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,999 And we like sports that are a bit crap. 176 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:28,479 Cricket can go on for five days and still be a draw. 177 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,239 And we like giving gifts that are a bit crap, you know, 178 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,479 like original sauce mint and tea tree shower gel. 179 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:39,399 My balls feel like they're in Siberia. 180 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,799 Thank you for that, Auntie, by the way. 181 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,799 We celebrate when things are a bit crap. 182 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,839 We literally cheer when someone drops 183 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,119 their pint glass in the pub. 184 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,639 That's the best of Britain. 185 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:56,919 We like it when things are a little bit-- 186 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:57,959 Crap! 187 00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,359 That's right. 188 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,999 So we've got a great show for you today. 189 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,199 A really great show. 190 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,399 Actually, no, we genuinely have a fantastic show. 191 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,999 It's very un-British of us. 192 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,439 We've got Kasabian here. 193 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,999 It's going to be a banger. 194 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,319 Stick around and watch this. 195 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,080 @ Hey, Dad, can you pick me up, now that mom's dead? 196 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,800 @ - Let me just search that up on the Glinkle app. 197 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,280 Well, while we're here. 198 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,519 Wait, Mom, slow down. 199 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,039 Jason, my brother, your son, has been arrested? 200 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,799 Don't panic. 201 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,079 I'll order a Goober there. 202 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,519 In today's challenge, our contestants 203 00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:01,079 added a whopping 4,250 pounds to the prize fund. 204 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,199 But now it's time for the faithfuls 205 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,519 to return to the round table. 206 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:12,039 Can they uncover who amongst them is a great big crab man? 207 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,559 I'd like to start. 208 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,799 This experience has been amazing, 209 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,199 but at the end of the day, we need to find 210 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,759 the great big crab man. 211 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:31,799 But there's someone here I just don't trust. 212 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,640 And that person is-- 213 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,640 It's yourself, Imran. 214 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,279 Great. 215 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,799 We're doing this again. 216 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,759 I know I was wrong about Kaya, Mehul, and Ife. 217 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,239 But I have a feeling I just can't shake. 218 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,879 Well I'm obviously not a great big crab man. 219 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,879 But to be fair, that is exactly what a great big crab 220 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,919 man would say. 221 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:07,119 OK. 222 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,399 I'm just going to come out and say it-- why is 223 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,159 nobody looking at Sebastian? 224 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:20,839 Whoa, whoa, I've only got two 100% not a great big crab man, 225 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,919 and it's myself and Sebastian. 226 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,399 Look at him, bro. 227 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,719 He's a flippin' crab! 228 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,519 See, getting defensive like that, 229 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,639 it only makes you look more like a great big crab man! 230 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:34,519 OK, OK. 231 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,719 What about today's challenge? 232 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,879 30 seconds, I got this! 233 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,119 Well, go towards it! 234 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,839 What's wrong with you, man? 235 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,680 Just go forwards! 236 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,719 Imran, he told us his ankles only work sideways! 237 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,199 Everybody knows he's trying to win the money 238 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,239 to pay for an ankle, Doctor! 239 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,679 OK, fine. 240 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,199 So why was he acting so weird at breakfast? 241 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,599 Because he's tired. 242 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,839 He can only sleep in a bucket of fresh water 243 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,079 for medical reasons. 244 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,759 Can I just say, I'm actually feeling 245 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,039 really uncomfortable by the energy in the room tonight? 246 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,079 To be fair to Imran-- 247 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,279 to be fair to Imran, all I've seen Sebastian eat 248 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,319 is algae, seaweed and invertebrates. 249 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,399 And for me, that's suspicious. 250 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,239 The time for talk is over. 251 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,599 Now it's time to vote. 252 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,399 Time's up! 253 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,959 ú Enormous good luck, everyone. 254 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,320 I'm sorry. 255 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,279 It is what it is. 256 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,039 Sorry, girl. 257 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,200 Enron, I'm so sorry. 258 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,560 Love you, man. 259 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:09,999 Imran, you have received the most votes. 260 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,720 Would you like to join me, please? 261 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,919 Listen, yeah? 262 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,399 ú I've had an amazing time. 263 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,719 It's been an incredible journey, 264 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,239 and I've made friends for life, but 265 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,679 there's something weighing on my heart 266 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,520 and I've got to come out and say it. 267 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,879 I'm obviously not a great big crab man, you idiots! 268 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,040 Imran out! 269 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,479 What the hell are you playing at? 270 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,439 @ You've just voted off anotherú not a great big crab man, 271 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,999 and the real great big crab man is still 272 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,079 ú out there laughing at you. 273 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,159 OK. 274 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,359 ú OK, I'm just going to say it-- 275 00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,759 there is someone who isú slipping under the radar. 276 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,119 At tomorrow's round table, the person-- 277 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,959 ú - Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! 278 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,160 I'll pack my bags. 279 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,319 OK. 280 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,879 Hey, you're pretty good! 281 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,319 Operation? 282 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,159 Isn't that a game for, like, six-year-olds? 283 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,879 OK, why don't you give it a go, then? 284 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,679 OK, I will. 285 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:32,719 It's simple. 286 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:33,719 You just-- 287 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,919 Ooh! 288 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:37,999 OK. 289 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:38,999 That was a warm-up. 290 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,799 - You can leave it, babe. - No, no, no, no. 291 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,799 It's fine. 292 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:44,799 It's easy. 293 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,719 Hey, babe. 294 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,719 Come to bed. 295 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,159 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 296 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,199 One minute. 297 00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,279 Kids, get in the car! 298 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,679 Mommy will be there in a sec. 299 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,639 Are you coming or not? 300 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,760 Oh, wow. 301 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,199 Get back! 302 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,799 Are you coming? 303 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,000 We're cutting the cake. 304 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,959 It's just a game! 305 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,879 It's not just a game! 306 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:33,879 It literally is! 307 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,159 It says it on the box! 308 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,839 It's 6 plus! 309 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,919 Stop looking at me! 310 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,679 I can't take it anymore. 311 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,879 We're leaving. 312 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,399 Hey. 313 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,919 I lifted it clean. 314 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,559 So I'm there, just fullyú committed, waving at them, 315 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,719 grinning like an idiot,úand they walk straight past me. 316 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,999 Oh, no! 317 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,239 ú - I felt like such a plum. 318 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,199 Oh, I've missed this. 319 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,799 I've missed you. 320 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,359 So have I. 321 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,199 Help! Help! 322 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,399 Is there a doctor in the house? 323 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,800 One of our diners have 324 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,479 Wait, I know this. 325 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,999 Honey, are you sure about this? 326 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,959 Everybody stand back. 327 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,759 Give me those. 328 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:02,799 What are you-- 329 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,279 Oh, my God! 330 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,439 There's more blood than usual. 331 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,719 I'm going for the breadbasket. 332 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,119 Oh, my-- 333 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:13,759 God help me! 334 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,119 What is all this? 335 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:19,680 Wishbone! 336 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,359 Where's the hook? 337 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,799 You have to believe me, it was supposed to be pieces. 338 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:27,999 The butterfly, the breadbasket! 339 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,479 Whatever, you're coming with me! 340 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,719 Olivia. 341 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,759 Olivia Colman! 342 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,800 Olivia! 343 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,039 This is OG FM coming at ya! 344 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,079 Old classics for old heads. 345 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,879 Soul '90s music all the time! 346 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,679 And we mean all the time! 347 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,999 When we wanna talk, we just turn it up-- 348 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,879 turn it down very slightly. 349 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,519 On the decks, we got MC Twister, DJ, and 350 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,639 me, Lady Magnum Pink Lemonade! 351 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,559 And yes, all our names are types of ice cream! 352 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,039 Coincidence! 353 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,599 If you remember these tunes from back in the day, 354 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:45,919 then you are old! 355 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,359 Shout out to my middle aged brothers and sisters! 356 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,879 Nostalgia coming at ya! 357 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,119 All right, all right. 358 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,679 So tonight, we got some real talk for all you over 50s-- 359 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,199 prostate cancer. 360 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,639 Real serious, but people don't talk about it 361 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,799 because it's a bad one. 362 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,519 Using our platform for good! 363 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,959 All right. 364 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,199 We got a mad guest in the studio here to educate us, 365 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,639 it's Dr. Rishi! 366 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,919 Come on, big ups, Dr. Rishi looking sharp! 367 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,479 I appreciate that. 368 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:20,839 Um, yeah, so, yeah, I mean, thanks for having me. 369 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,159 All right, doc, drop some knowledge on us! 370 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,399 Yeah, sorry. 371 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:25,719 Sorry. 372 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:26,919 Yeah, well, prostate cancer is a condition that 373 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,919 actually affects 1 in 8 men. 374 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:33,239 Shout out to Michelle in SW5, going hard on the weekend! 375 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,879 What were you saying, Dr. Rish? 376 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,359 Right, yeah. 377 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,359 Yeah, um, so the prostate, it's a small gland 378 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,359 that sits just behind the-- 379 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:47,879 Shout out to Jane, the divorce is final! 380 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,599 She's back on the pill! 381 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,759 P-p-p-pill! 382 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,839 Take it away, doc! 383 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:54,839 Take it away! 384 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,239 OK, yeah. 385 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,759 Suppose-- well, you diet is very important. 386 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,639 Ayo, don't forget, Monday's a bank holiday! 387 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,879 Four-day week! Four-day week! 388 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:02,879 What? 389 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,119 Diet is something-- 390 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,959 Tony in Stratham, just put his dog down. 391 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,439 Prayers up for the poodle! 392 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,959 Diet is something that-- 393 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,079 East and South and West. 394 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,839 Statistically, around 55,000 new cases-- 395 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,839 and North! 396 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,399 OK. 397 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,799 I was just trying to say just before, just there-- 398 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,519 diet is a good way to minimize your risk. 399 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,359 Reducing red meat is sensible. 400 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,239 You should think about swapping it out with an oily fish, 401 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,839 perhaps a salmon or mackerel. 402 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,479 Ayo, big up the North Sea! 403 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,879 Come on. 404 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,119 Can we stop, please? 405 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,119 I'm sorry. 406 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,119 Can we just stop? 407 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,959 What's up, big man? 408 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,799 Is there any way you could just stop the music just 409 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,679 for, like, a minute? Because this is-- 410 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,639 Sorry, doc, this is OG FM, all '90s music all the time! 411 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,919 Literally all the time! 412 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,279 Yes, my sister. 413 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,199 If you got something important to say, 414 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,319 you gotta ride the beat. 415 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,079 What do you mean, ride the beat? 416 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,119 Medical freestyle! 417 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,119 Off the dome! 418 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,839 - Seriously? - Yeah. 419 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,239 spit some wisdom, Dr. Rishi. 420 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,879 Yeah, tell the people what they gotta know. 421 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:03,879 Hippocratic oath. 422 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,679 OK, OK, fine, fine. 423 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,159 Yeah, OK. 424 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:16,720 Prostate, prostate, check it before it's too late? 425 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,639 Early detection is vital for your survival. 426 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:22,639 All right. 427 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,680 Turn my headphones up. 428 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,799 Up a bit more. 429 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,159 Yeah. 430 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,639 ♪ Don't hide away, get your PSA ♪ 431 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,039 ♪ The blood test is best, so don't delay ♪ 432 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,999 ♪ No joking, stop smoking ♪ 433 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,599 ♪ I'm thinking, less drinking ♪ 434 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,479 ♪ Check your BMI ♪ ♪ If the number's high, ♪ 435 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,199 ♪ Then we'll make a plan ♪ ♪ Get your number right ♪ 436 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,759 ♪ If you're over 50, ♪ 437 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:44,959 ♪ Got a family history and the flow is weak ♪ 438 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,319 ♪ Then see your GP ♪ 439 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,679 ♪ All my G's in the back who are Black, ♪ 440 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,399 ♪ Your risk is higher, that's a fact ♪ 441 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,519 ♪ Don't be brave ♪ 442 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,279 ♪ Don't act like a trooper ♪ 443 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,359 ♪ If you got please don't wait for the future ♪ 444 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:54,359 ♪ Just go move her, ♪ 445 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,639 ♪ Hop in an Uber ♪ 446 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,399 ♪ Rish ID, happy birthday to ya! ♪ 447 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,439 ♪ And if there's blood in your pee, call 111 ♪ 448 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,759 ♪ Dr. Rishi, da, da, da, Dr. Rishi ♪ 449 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,999 ♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, ♪ ♪ Da-da, ♪ 450 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:03,999 ♪ Da-da, de done. ♪ 451 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,599 Oy! 452 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,600 Nice! 453 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,039 Yes! 454 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,759 Saving lives with the advice! 455 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,639 Dr. Rishi in the house! 456 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,919 Get checked! 457 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,080 Come on! 458 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,640 Ladies and gents, it's Kasabian! 459 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,319 ♪ Steady as she goes ♪ 460 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,999 ♪ It's me again, hello ♪ 461 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,839 ♪ I can't stop the voices ♪ 462 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,439 ♪ And now it's you and me ♪ 463 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,239 ♪ And I am lost for words ♪ 464 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,919 ♪ I just keep on falling ♪ 465 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,959 ♪ Watch me go ♪ 466 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:21,239 ♪ I'm the great pretender ♪ 467 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,279 ♪ Whoa, no, ♪ 468 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,559 ♪ Baby blue ♪ 469 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:31,119 ♪ Now it's time for me to surrender ♪ 470 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:37,479 ♪ And we can dance again, dance again ♪ 471 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:42,559 ♪ We can dance again, dance again ♪ 472 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,159 ♪ Watch me as I go ♪ 473 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,639 ♪ I live in make-believe ♪ 474 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,759 ♪ And no one hears you calling ♪ 475 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,199 ♪ Where do you hide ♪ 476 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,119 ♪ If you don't know who you are ♪ 477 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:06,279 ♪ But you love it and you're not the same ♪ 478 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,079 ♪ So don't fear it now ♪ 479 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,119 ♪ Watch me go ♪ 480 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:17,959 ♪ I'm the great pretender ♪ 481 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,839 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 482 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,519 ♪ Baby blue ♪ 483 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:28,679 ♪ Now it's time for me to surrender ♪ 484 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:34,559 ♪ And we can dance again, dance again ♪ 485 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:40,359 ♪ We can dance again, dance again, ♪ 486 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,839 ♪ We can dance again, dance again ♪ 487 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,799 ♪ Let's hear for the great pretender ♪ 488 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,839 ♪ We can dance again, dance again ♪ 489 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,439 ♪ You know we don't stop we can never surrender ♪ 490 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,799 ♪ We can dance again, dance again ♪ 491 00:29:54,800 --> 00:30:00,279 ♪ Let's hear for the great pretender ♪ 492 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,079 ♪ You know we won't stop thinking ♪ 493 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:06,479 ♪ We can never surrender ♪ 494 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:39,720 ♪ ♪ 495 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:47,640 It's "Weekend Update" with Ania Magliano and Paddy Young! 496 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,959 Good evening, and welcome to "Weekend Update." 497 00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,959 I'm Paddy Young. 498 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,440 And I'm Ania Magliano. 499 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,879 The war between Iran and the US has entered its second month. 500 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,119 Second month? 501 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,519 Ooh, it's starting to get serious! 502 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,039 This week, a US airstrike destroyed 503 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,719 Iran's largest bridge. 504 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,759 Responding to criticism for targeting 505 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,319 civilian infrastructure, a senior US military official 506 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,079 said, "Oh, my God, we're so sorry. 507 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,560 We thought it was a school." 508 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,039 President Trump has criticized the UK's Navy for being, 509 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,439 quote, "too old." 510 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:40,959 Too old for Donald Trump? 511 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,439 What is it, 18? 512 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,359 Responding to Trump's claims that our Navy was old and 513 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,319 outdated, one Admiral said, "I'm going to go there and 514 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,239 give him a piece of my mind just 515 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,800 as soon as the wind picks up." 516 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,439 It's true, the UK only has one submarine 517 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,120 and half the crew are dead. 518 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,679 Now, new data published by the NHS 519 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,839 shows that in the last five years, 520 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,639 referrals for body dysmorphia treatment have quadrupled. 521 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,039 Well, they think they've quadrupled. 522 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,360 They actually look fine. 523 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,439 It's been revealed that Meta billionaire Mark Zuckerberg is 524 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,839 building a bunker under his compound in California, 525 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,279 and I hope he uses that bunker in exactly 526 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:31,760 the same way Hitler did. 527 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,519 In big media news, DJ Scott Mills was fired from his job 528 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,039 at the BBC. 529 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,479 This after police searched the Radio Two presenters hard drive 530 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,600 and found over a hundred terabytes of decent music. 531 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:56,079 In the last two weeks, online phenomenon "Fruit Love Island" 532 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,599 has taken the internet by storm. 533 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,799 It's just like normal "Love Island," but the twist? 534 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,759 The contestants are AI-generated fruit. 535 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,799 Yes, this is genuinely a real thing that millions of people 536 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,599 are tuning into every day. 537 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,919 Here to comment on this viral sensation is 538 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,039 random former real "Love Island" 539 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,239 contestant Chloe Bibby Rinkle. 540 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,959 Oh my, no! 541 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,919 No, it's so muggy! 542 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,399 AI's nicked my job! 543 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,079 It's taken me, a human professional lady, years 544 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,119 to perfect the art of shaking a cock under a bed sheet. 545 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:32,599 Yeah. 546 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,599 Now people want to see a raspberry do it instead. 547 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,839 Sorry, what is that you're doing with your hands? 548 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,079 Oh, so I'm using the base of my thumbs 549 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,959 to quell the flow of my tears. 550 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,439 It's giving Kleenex. 551 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,119 Which series were you in? 552 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:53,080 Oh, yeah, I was in series 12 and 3/4, The Villa in Djibouti. 553 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,359 And what's it actually like to be on the show? 554 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,959 Oh my God, it's amazing. 555 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,320 So, OK, imagine being trafficked, but in a nice way. 556 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,079 Then imagine there's a pool, but none of us like to swim. 557 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,439 Then imagine the memory of "UK Garage." 558 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,159 Then imagine getting a text. 559 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,759 It was like that. 560 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,159 And did you find love in the villa? 561 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,039 Oh, yeah, I caught feels for ZBD. 562 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,479 But get this. 563 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,439 Week after we left, I found out he was in fact 564 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,079 a mirage due to my heatstroke. 565 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:30,759 Sorry, but why do so much grafting when you're a mirage? 566 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,279 I've sworn off mirages now. 567 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,520 Big dicks, though. 568 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:36,959 Maybe it's for the best that you've 569 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,479 been replaced with AI fruit. 570 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,919 Like, with love and light, you don't seem well. 571 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,639 Yeah, I'm moving spooky. 572 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,559 I'm moving spooky. 573 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,199 Cause like, Ania, 'course I would love 574 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,999 to be a cherry with a fanny. 575 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,679 Of course, I would. 576 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,199 But I have to accept that I'm a human woman with a brain, 577 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,479 like it or lump it. 578 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,879 If the British public wants to see a peach cracking 579 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,159 onto a tomato, then so be it. 580 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,919 A tomato isn't a fruit, by the way. 581 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:05,999 It is a fruit! 582 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,279 Right, I've had-- 583 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,559 He's not worth it. 584 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,799 "Love Island" contestant Chloe Biddy. 585 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:13,959 Fruit, everybody. 586 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:19,799 It's Easter. 587 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:23,599 That's right, the time of year where 588 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,479 we celebrate the only murdered Palestinian 589 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:26,999 we're allowed to talk about. 590 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,079 And over Easter, the NHS crisis continues. 591 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,239 Keir Starmer, seen here describing his favorite shape 592 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:52,999 of box, has been unable to convince doctors to call off 593 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,239 their upcoming six-day strike. 594 00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:58,399 So a gentle reminder, that with no doctors on call, 595 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,519 what goes up your butt will stay up your butt 596 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,999 for the best part of a week. 597 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,440 It will be the best part. 598 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,279 According to a police report, at the scene of his car 599 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,239 crash in Florida last week, Tiger Woods had two 600 00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,279 opioid pills in his pocket. 601 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,919 Woods claimed he was only keeping them in his pocket 602 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,119 because he'd run out of room in his bloodstream. 603 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,919 The Artemis II mission has seen 604 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,079 four NASA astronauts set off for the far side of the moon. 605 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:27,399 And if you're wondering why they're 606 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,199 so obsessed with the back of the moon, 607 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:30,720 that's where the bum is. 608 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,239 Inspired by the success of Artemis II, 609 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,359 Britain's Space Agency is planning to launch 610 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:38,879 its own rocket to the moon. 611 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,680 And it will, just as soon as the wind picks up. 612 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,999 In lighter news this week, an adorable little dormouse 613 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,279 was found dozing in an old helium balloon 614 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,279 caught in a tree in Essex. 615 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,039 Here to tell us about his big adventure 616 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,280 is an adorable little dormouse. 617 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,199 Hi, guys. 618 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,799 I'm adorable to be here. 619 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,279 Aw. 620 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,599 Aw, you're so cute. 621 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,239 It is so wonderful to have you here, 622 00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,039 an adorable little dormouse. 623 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,439 Cool. 624 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,079 Look at all these big, scary cameras. 625 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:13,079 Oh, it's OK. 626 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,279 Don't be intimidated. 627 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:15,959 OK, camera 3, where you at? 628 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,479 Camera 3, where are you at? 629 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,519 OK, camera 3, you got me, girl? 630 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,279 @ Hey, Vogue, I'm an adorable little dormouse, 631 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,040 ú and this is what's in my bag. 632 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,839 @ OK, so up first, you just knowú it's a little buttercup that I 633 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,039 sometimes wear as a hat. 634 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,599 And next up. 635 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,599 Oh, I don't go anywhere without my Aesop hyaluronic face 636 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,239 mist defense barrier. 637 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:43,519 Shout out to Aesop. 638 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,239 And up next, this one's kind of a little bit crazy and a bit 639 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:49,599 freaky, but it's hot sauce. 640 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,319 Sorry, are you just making content? 641 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,039 I'm an influencer, Ania. 642 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,719 My adorable story is blowing up, and it's my time to shine. 643 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,599 I'm only going to live for four years, Ania, 644 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,959 and I'll spend three of those years hibernating. 645 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,399 I've got to grab my moment. 646 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,279 And that's why over the course of this answer, 647 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,879 I've already moved on from being an influencer to being 648 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,999 a red carpet reporter. 649 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,399 Ania, Ania. 650 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:14,439 Hey, guys, we're here with Bershka Jeans. 651 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,759 What are you wearing, girl? 652 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,399 Tell me, what you're wearing? 653 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,279 Don't tell me, it's the Boys with Character Collection 654 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,279 from Georgia Asda. 655 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:21,679 You look amazing, Ania girl. 656 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:22,719 You hungry, girl? 657 00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:23,999 Uh-- 658 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,239 And my subway take, I think that-- 659 00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:30,079 I think that raspberries are nice. 660 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,399 90%, 90%, 90% agree. 661 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:33,919 Oh, wow. 662 00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,519 He's so cute. 663 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,159 You really are moving through the life cycle of fame 664 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,119 at an unbelievable rate. 665 00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,639 Welcome back to of "Dormice and Men," 666 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:46,359 where I'm talking with my guest, Ania Magliano, 667 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,359 about me being adorable. 668 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,279 Oh, you've got a podcast now. 669 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,039 Being adorable was always my superpower, you know. 670 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,959 Suddenly, I realized that people 671 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,479 wanted me to be adorable all the time, 672 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,719 and I could never be off. 673 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:02,240 Sorry, sorry. 674 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,159 But now, my listeners can get help to switch off thanks 675 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,439 to our sponsor Dignitas. 676 00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:12,439 Dignitas? 677 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,399 Is that bad? 678 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,199 Sorry, please don't cancel me. 679 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:16,799 No, we can never-- 680 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,799 we could never cancel, you adorable little dormouse. 681 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,239 Well, wait and see. 682 00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:23,719 I have invested my money in some weird things. 683 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,279 Adorable little dormouse, everybody. 684 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,439 Five Met police officers have been taken off duty 685 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,879 after a bag of guns was accidentally 686 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,159 left on the street in London. 687 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:44,879 I feel sorry for the police. 688 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,559 Sometimes you're so busy killing 689 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,279 women that you forget where you left your bloody machine gun. 690 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:50,600 It's what I'm like. 691 00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:54,759 The government is passing new laws 692 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,719 to make it easier to cancel online subscriptions and 693 00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,239 unwanted auto renewals. 694 00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,719 Good news for me, bad news for Dr. Chubb's Penis 695 00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:06,039 Pump Emporium, whose Platinum Club is about to lose a member. 696 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,039 A rainbow boa constrictor has miraculously 697 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,919 given birth without fertilization 698 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,159 for the second time. 699 00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,439 Does anyone else find it kind of weird that God 700 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,159 keeps bonking this snake? 701 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,639 A peacock named Pete, who has recently taken up 702 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,639 residence in Surrey, has reportedly learned to knock 703 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,119 on doors with his beak. 704 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,079 Sadly, he's doing so to alert the neighborhood that he's 705 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,639 a registered sex offender. 706 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,399 According to a new report from the Department of Education, 707 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,879 children under 5 should have no more than one hour 708 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,039 of screen time per day to help improve physical health 709 00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,599 and family relationships. 710 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,959 To discuss the impact this might have on parenting, 711 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,079 here's a father and son who still do skin on skin. 712 00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,079 Thank you for having us. 713 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,679 No problem. 714 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,679 Now, let's talk about screen time. 715 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,559 Oh, it's a scourge. 716 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,759 It breaks my heart to get up that cavalry 717 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,959 and see our families glued to their phones. 718 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,200 Nobody looking at the pork. 719 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:37,759 Why can't everyone just be normal? 720 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,039 Yeah. 721 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,999 My boys never looked at a screen. 722 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,799 And look at him. 723 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,199 He's thriving. 724 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,639 Yeah, you guys clearly have a strong bond. 725 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,799 Is that because you're screen-free? 726 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,599 Yeah, I don't need an iPad. 727 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:59,359 I can just pad this chest until the happy hormones 728 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,479 start g-g-gushing. 729 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,319 Why are you still doing this? 730 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,599 Well, the midwife recommended it for as long as you can. 731 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,199 It was great when I were a baby, 732 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,439 but it's better now I'm 32. 733 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,999 It's nice to know if things are stressful at work. 734 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,680 I can get home and get right onto dad. 735 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:22,799 How does it reduce stress? 736 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,239 Many, many ways. 737 00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:28,399 Regulates heart rate, slows the breathing, 738 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,239 helps with the breastfeeding. 739 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:32,519 Breastfeeding? 740 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,399 Man, I got the glands as well. 741 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,999 He just takes discipline, Paddy. 742 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,600 Nobody has discipline these days. 743 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,639 Are you smelling his head? 744 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,239 Yeah! 745 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,919 That's the best bit. 746 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,159 You know that newb-- 747 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:56,439 did you know that newborn baby smell? 748 00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:00,519 Well, it's that, but older. 749 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,959 This is unconventional, but I have to say, 750 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,639 you guys seem really happy. 751 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,759 There's always room for one more, Paddy. 752 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:12,119 Last Christmas, we got two uncles and a cousin on here. 753 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,039 Pop that shirt off, Paddy lad. 754 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,359 Don't be a stranger. 755 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,719 Thank you, father and son, who still do skin-on-skin. 756 00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,559 Oh, let me get in here! 757 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,919 For "Weekend Update," I'm Paddy Young. 758 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,079 I'm Ania Magliano, good night! 759 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,479 Good evening. 760 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,199 We are gathered here because the Royal Society of Literature 761 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,879 issued a challenge to conceive a work of Gothic horror 762 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:14,879 that taps into mankind's deepest, most universal fears. 763 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,239 Tonight, three authors present their works-- 764 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:22,879 Ms. Eliza Faust, Mr. Edmund Blackthorn, 765 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:26,199 and Sir Humphrey Cosgrove. 766 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,079 Ms. Faust, you have the floor. 767 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,319 Tonight, I present the story of an immortal count who feeds 768 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,359 upon the blood of the living. 769 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:44,159 I call it Nosferatu. 770 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,999 Quite horrifying. 771 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,639 Mr. Blackthorn? 772 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:55,519 In my hands, the tale of a man cursed by the moon 773 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,119 with an insatiable bloodlust. 774 00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,599 I give you The Wolf Man. 775 00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:07,239 And finally, Sir Humphrey. 776 00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:11,079 Esteemed colleagues, I present 777 00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,759 a tale of unspeakable terror. 778 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:20,999 I give you The Bastard Seagull. 779 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:27,999 OK. 780 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,160 OK, questions? 781 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,399 I'm sorry, I'm confused. 782 00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,959 Is this like an evil seagull, or--? 783 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,639 It won't bloody leave. 784 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,639 Bastard! 785 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,479 OK. 786 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:45,399 Not exactly a universal fear, but a valiant effort, perhaps. 787 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,959 Now let's hear a passage from Ms. Faust. 788 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,080 Reading, gentlemen. 789 00:45:54,400 --> 00:46:00,039 It was dawn-- that fragile hour when night still clings 790 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,119 to the edges of the world. 791 00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:09,240 The man awoke with a start to find the seagull very close-- 792 00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:14,519 but a pubes length from his face. 793 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:15,719 He screamed. 794 00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:24,760 But the bastard didn't give one single toss. 795 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,319 OK. 796 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:28,919 Let's move on, Mr. Blackthorne. 797 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:32,959 Sorry, why is there a seagull in this man's bedroom? 798 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,239 It keeps coming in the window. 799 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:37,639 Why doesn't he just shut it? 800 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,199 It's stuck. 801 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,919 It's like one of those old sash windows, 802 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,279 and it's totally jammed. 803 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,239 Sorry, is the whole book about a man who 804 00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:50,839 has a seagull in his bedroom? 805 00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,119 Not all of it. 806 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,159 Some of it's about trying to get 807 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,679 in touch with your landlord. 808 00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,359 Sir Humphrey, may I remind you, 809 00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,439 this is meant to be a work of Gothic horror. 810 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,999 This is clearly a household maintenance issue. 811 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,559 Yes, Mr. Blackthorn? 812 00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:06,599 Thank you. 813 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,999 Why can't he just fix the window? 814 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,639 He's tried. 815 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:15,159 Every time he gets anywhere near it, they all go mental. 816 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,319 Wait, there's more than one seagull? 817 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,639 Yeah, the bastard brought his bastard friend. 818 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:25,599 Honestly, it feels more like their place than his 819 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,239 at this point. 820 00:47:27,240 --> 00:47:28,799 God's sake! 821 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:30,799 Please, can we move on to one of the other books? 822 00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,799 Yes, you, sir? 823 00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,359 Hi! 824 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,319 Has the seagull guy thought about introducing a bird 825 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,759 of prey to scare them off? 826 00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,039 He got an owl! 827 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:44,239 And it's only made it worse cause 828 00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:46,399 the seagulls didn't leave. 829 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,679 And now the owl thinks he's its baby, 830 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,999 and it gives vomiting, dissolved 831 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,319 field mice down his throat. 832 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,959 Well, yeah-- yeah, now tell me about it. 833 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:00,959 And the whole room stinks. 834 00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,119 And now there's a badger. 835 00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,439 Stop, sir! 836 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,599 Stop! 837 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,199 You are asked to capture mankind's deepest fears, 838 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:11,399 but this I think, is something that's 839 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:12,719 happened specifically to you. 840 00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,759 Because you can't close your window. 841 00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,959 How dare you, sir! 842 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:23,519 The Bastard Seagull is a work of universal terror! 843 00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:27,199 There's nothing scary about a seagull, sir. 844 00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,759 I told you! 845 00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,759 We don't listen! 846 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:45,240 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Kasabian! 847 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:59,159 ♪ We arrived at the same place ♪ 848 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:09,360 ♪ Hypnotized by the lights upon your face ♪ 849 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,359 ♪ Bodies moving, the floor shakes ♪ 850 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,479 ♪ Eyes wide open, ♪ 851 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:25,440 ♪ Now we can both escape ♪ 852 00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,599 ♪ Now we're finally here together ♪ 853 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:33,399 ♪ Seeing you relieves the pressure ♪ 854 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:37,799 ♪ We've been through the stormy weather ♪ 855 00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,679 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 856 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,319 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 857 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,959 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 858 00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:46,919 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 859 00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:48,719 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 860 00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:51,599 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 861 00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:12,519 ♪ We arrived at the same place ♪ 862 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:20,039 ♪ Hypnotized by the lights upon your face ♪ 863 00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,479 ♪ We were so far from home, ♪ 864 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,359 ♪ Lost down a rabbit hole ♪ 865 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:30,119 ♪ No one to save our soul, about to lose control ♪ 866 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:31,839 ♪ We were so far from home, ♪ 867 00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,519 ♪ Lost down a rabbit hole ♪ 868 00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:35,079 ♪ No one to save our soul, ♪ 869 00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:41,239 ♪ About to lose control ♪ 870 00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,959 Get your hands in the air. 871 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,039 ♪ On your 872 00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:48,200 Shake! 873 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,879 ♪ Now we're finally here together ♪ 874 00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,719 ♪ Seeing you relieves the pressure ♪ 875 00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:04,999 ♪ We've been through the stormy weather ♪ 876 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,839 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 877 00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,519 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 878 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,319 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 879 00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:14,119 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 880 00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,999 ♪ Release the pressure, ♪ 881 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,719 ♪ Release the pressure ♪ 882 00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:21,159 ♪ I wanna save my soul ♪ 883 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,439 ♪ I'm coming in, I'm coming in ♪ 884 00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:36,559 ♪ yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, ♪ 885 00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:38,119 ♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo ♪ 886 00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:39,839 ♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. ♪ 887 00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,999 Basically, I keep having nightmares 888 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,879 that I'm going to leave my baby on the bus, which is weird 889 00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,999 because I never take the bus. 890 00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:22,199 Sasha, darling, you could leave your baby anywhere. 891 00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,119 Hi, hi. Sorry we're late. 892 00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:25,199 Sorry, hi. 893 00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:26,359 You must be Nick? 894 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:27,959 Well, welcome. - Oh, thank you. 895 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:29,359 Look, before you meet my partner, 896 00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:32,079 I just wanted to give you a heads up. 897 00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,639 Big weekend coming up. 898 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:35,599 A lot of big feelings. 899 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:45,839 No one look at me. 900 00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,119 I'm a house. 901 00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,359 Oh my God, that's the Easter Bunny. 902 00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:51,959 Aw. We'll do pickies later. 903 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,319 Nick, give me a hand. 904 00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:54,519 Yeah, just give me your weight, baby. 905 00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:55,719 Just trust me. - Don't drop me. 906 00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:56,719 Just trust me. Give me your weight. 907 00:52:56,720 --> 00:52:57,159 Thank you. 908 00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,719 Oh. 909 00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:01,119 Oh, oh. 910 00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:05,119 Oh, Pascal, can I just say, it's so nice to see 911 00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:06,319 another gay couple here. 912 00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:07,959 Yeah, seriously, so nice. 913 00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,079 We meet a couple like you, and it's like, yeah, they are 914 00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:14,119 the exact same thing as us. 915 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,239 I don't know about exact same thing. 916 00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:20,079 So, Nick and Pascal, how are you feeling? 917 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,119 Oh, gosh, I mean, all the normal stuff, I think, right? 918 00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,839 Nervous, excited. 919 00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:29,119 Yeah, yeah, really stressed about pushing all 82 million 920 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,280 of them out. 921 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,839 But hey, what are people supposed to do? 922 00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,999 Not have Easter eggs. 923 00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:38,999 What? 924 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,159 Oh my God. 925 00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,239 You give birth to Easter eggs? 926 00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:43,479 No, he does. 927 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,279 I assumed-- gosh, sorry. 928 00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:50,879 I suddenly feel a bit sick. 929 00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:54,519 I assumed Easter eggs were all made in factories. 930 00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,079 Then I suggest you educate yourself 931 00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:59,279 on queer history, my love. 932 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,919 Somehow, I don't think it's a queer thing. 933 00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,759 Well, what is it then? 934 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,559 I don't know anything about gay culture, 935 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,439 so this is a real education for me. 936 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,359 No, please don't learn anything from this. 937 00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:13,959 Well, I think it's a very generous thing 938 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,079 you're doing, carrying all those eggs 939 00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,039 and giving them away to people. 940 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,119 Oh, thanks, doll. 941 00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:20,839 I mean, my body's shot. 942 00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,359 My nipples are so long, you could braid them. 943 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:26,039 Oh, that's a good idea for Bella's wedding, you know, 944 00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:27,439 braid my nipples 945 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,079 Actually, yeah, that's really good. 946 00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:30,759 You must be so proud watching the whole nation eat them? 947 00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:31,760 What? 948 00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,519 He thinks people raise the eggs as their children. 949 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,519 Can we please not pull the curtain back on this? 950 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:40,639 Thank you. 951 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,199 My ears are famously huge, Nick. 952 00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,279 You're not even covering up the holes. 953 00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,599 Babe, babe, babe, don't freak out. 954 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:48,839 No, no, no, no. 955 00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:52,799 Is it true what he said, the foreign one? 956 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,439 I'm Scottish. 957 00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:59,079 Babe, the eggs, they're chocolate. 958 00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,240 Nick, you're scaring me. 959 00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:05,479 Chocolate is food, Pascal. 960 00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,199 I can't shield you from this anymore. 961 00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,079 They eat the eggs because chocolate is food. 962 00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:16,839 But hey, hey, those eggs make a lot of people very happy. 963 00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,359 They-- they do? 964 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,879 Yes. 965 00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:24,239 Yes, children and adults who are too close to their parents. 966 00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:27,519 And people who win crap raffles in May. 967 00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:31,039 They give so many people so much joy. 968 00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:32,679 I love you so much. 969 00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:34,879 I'm so proud of you, and I'm proud of us, 970 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:36,559 and I'm proud of you. 971 00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:38,439 I'm proud of us. 972 00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:43,119 Is it rude to ask, like, where the eggs come out of? 973 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:45,760 How dare you? 974 00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:54,359 This rabbit has been giving birth every year since 1873. 975 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:57,559 Crackhouse pitbulls lead better lives. 976 00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,959 You know what? 977 00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,559 I am wrung out like a flannel, and you've done nothing 978 00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:07,279 but belittle me, him, and our community since we've arrived. 979 00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,959 Boys, as an ally, I am mortified. 980 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:10,959 Do you know what? 981 00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,359 Just save your apologies. 982 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:13,679 He's due any minute, and the birthing process 983 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,239 is literally one of the scariest things 984 00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,319 you can possibly imagine. 985 00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,039 So we're leaving. - Help me up, Nick. 986 00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:20,519 Give me your weight, baby. Surrender to me. 987 00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:21,719 - Don't drop me. - Surrender to me. 988 00:56:21,720 --> 00:56:22,759 OK. 989 00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:23,959 Get the bags, get the bags. 990 00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,199 Get the car ready. 991 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:26,359 It's outrageous. 992 00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:27,720 I don't know why we even bother. 993 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:35,879 And they come out the back. 994 00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,479 Wow! 995 00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,079 Make some noise. 996 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,919 My biggest thanks to Kasabian. 997 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,239 And a huge thank you to the cast, the writers, everyone 998 00:56:58,240 --> 00:57:00,679 working on tonight's show for making this such 999 00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,199 an unforgettable week. 1000 00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,999 Thank you so much for tuning in, for turning 1001 00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,159 up, and good night.